


Song of Amergin

by tinx_r



Category: Riptide (TV)
Genre: AU, Angst, Bargain Department, Episode Related, M/M, h/c
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-04
Updated: 2016-01-04
Packaged: 2018-05-11 17:13:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5635147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinx_r/pseuds/tinx_r
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An AU of The Bargain Department where Day 1 at Tricor goes differently, and Nick moves out after all...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Song of Amergin

**Author's Note:**

  * For [galerian_ash](https://archiveofourown.org/users/galerian_ash/gifts).



> I started this as soon as prompts were revealed, I meant it to be a Yuletide treat but RL intervened. So, happy new year, and I hope this is what you had in mind when you wrote your lovely prompt.

Cody hadn't seen Nick in seven days. Not since the day he'd started his new corporate job at Tricor.

A career, and thirty thousand a year. Fifty thousand for the sale of his business. The best position he'd ever been in, period. He was on the cusp of a new life.

And he hated every minute of it.

Nothing about the new job was going well. Murray kept talking about conspiracies and the RAND 1660, but Cody could hardly find the strength to care.

The past seven days had been filled with suits, ties, argyle socks, and bundles of grief from his uptight superior. When Cody had talked about career traction, he hadn't meant the four tired walls of his box-like office. He hadn't meant taking press clippings, filing and running errands from morning til night.

It was rapidly coming home to him that he'd run away from a lot more than his failed relationship with Janet in 1972. College had filled him with the same sense of foreboding and failure that Tricor's carpeted hallways did.

"I'm not this guy," Cody said quietly, staring at his untouched beer, sitting in the salon of his empty boat. "I'm not this guy, and I don't know how to fix it."

And this time, there was no Nick to fix it for him. 

***

On Monday morning, Murray left the boat in his sharpest jacket and nattiest bow tie. He was taking someone called Zelda to lunch, and declared his expectation of breaking the case wide open.

Cody, in his oldest cut off sweats and one of Nick's t-shirts he'd found at the back of a drawer, called in sick. And when he left the boat, it was to drive to Point Mugu and enquire about helicopter landings.

His ratty attire drew some interested looks, but brought him no information. No-one had seen the Screaming Mimi, and beyond one helpful clerk suggesting he searched in King Harbor, Cody left the airfield no further ahead.

Nick was gone. All his belongings, his car, his helicopter -- gone, faster than Cody would have believed possible. No forwarding address, no phone number -- for the first time in nearly ten years, Cody had no idea how to reach him. Or even if he'd ever see him again.

Cody sat in the parking lot, California's merciless sun beating down, and looked that possibility hard in the face for the first time since he'd gotten back from Vietnam. A loss so enormous it could not be borne -- with it came emptiness, helplessness, paralysis. Cody felt it creeping through him, freezing his joints, stilling his heart, snarling his thoughts. _I could die here,_ he realized, but no fear came with the thought. All the fear in the world was bound up in Nick.

 _I am the tomb of every hope._ He had read the line once -- in school, perhaps, or in his mother's eclectic library. At the time he'd thought it foolish -- hope was eternal, even in Vietnam faced with death on a daily basis, he had known hope.

But this -- this was an end such as he had never imagined. He could not hope now -- every glimmer died unborn, entombed in the vastness of a universe where he was separate from Nick. Where Nick had turned away. Where he had torn them asunder in pursuit of some insubstantial notion of self-importance. 

***

Downtown, Zelda Gribbin had signed a statement that had even Quinlan shaking his head gravely. It would take a day or more to get the necessary warrants signed, but there were no questions. As well as her testimony, Zelda had handed over backup tapes from the secret computer system on the thirteenth floor, as well as the encryption information.

Tricor's secret was out, and Murray, even though he was out of a job, was elated.

He took Zelda home, and comforted her as best he could -- a gentleman could do no less, after all -- then headed back to the boat to tell Cody the good news.

But there was no Cody, still no Nick, and a disturbing radio report about a shooting in a nearby street.

Feeling sick to his stomach, Murray called police headquarters again.

Quinlan, apparently buoyed by the information Murray had brought him earlier, was expansive. "Hub Wheeler. Damnedest thing. Coming back from the grocery store, got out of his car, and some bastard must'a been laying for him. Witness saw a tan sedan speeding away from the scene but old Hub was dead before anyone could do anything."

"Damnedest thing," Murray repeated. It was horrible to hear of Hub's death, but Murray couldn't feel anything except relief that it wasn't either of his partners. Cody had looked close to collapse that morning, and although Murray hadn't seen Nick in a week, he doubted Nick was doing any better. "Tell me, have you heard anything of Nick in the last couple of days?"

"Nick?" Quinlan's voice shifted to suspicion. "Why? He lives with you, doesn't he?"

"Of course he does." Murray gave a cheerful giggle. "It was nothing, nothing at all."

Murray left the boat again, hurrying to King Harbor's First National Bank to clear the Tricor check for purchasing the agency. Fifty thousand would certainly come in handy, and clearing those funds before the search warrant was executed was vital. Then he would be free to focus on finding his partners. All he needed was a computer, and some wheels.

***

Twelve floors above the earth, Nick Ryder balanced on an iron girder and watched Tricor's entrance. He'd worked every day shift the construction company would give him, and if most of his attention was on the front doors which had stolen his partners from him rather than on the work he was being paid to do, well, that was why safety harnesses were now mandatory at height. At least, that was what Nick told himself as he slipped off the girder for the second time that day.

He righted himself as his nearest colleague called out to him for clumsiness, ignoring the guy. It might have been concern or it might have been ridicule, but currently, separated from Cody, spending his mostly-sleepless nights bunked in Mimi's hold, worrying about what his new workmates thought of him wasn't even on his radar.

Even from high above the earth, he knew Cody hadn't been at Tricor the previous day. Murray had left at lunchtime with a lady-geek on his arm, and hadn't returned. Something was up.

The Jimmy wheeled into the lot at ten of nine, and Nick, now at ground level, froze, watching as Cody stepped out. Cody was in a suit but his shirt flapped, his tie was loose and he was unshaven. Something was definitely wrong. Nick fought the urge to drop his tools and run, intercept Cody's dragging steps before the front door, pull Cody away from the hideous carpeted hallways he had chosen.

It was a struggle, but Nick managed to stand still, to watch as Cody entered the building and was lost. Then he swung away, running, to lose his meager breakfast at the edge of the junk pile, to wave off the shouted question from his boss.

Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he headed back to work, watching all the while for Murray to appear.

But the morning dragged by until Murray was more than late, he was a no-show. Prickles of horror crept up Nick's spine as he thought of Cody's dishevelled appearance, and he wondered if something had happened. Was Murray in the hospital, or worse? He'd left his partners, let them down, and this --

Nick laid his tools on the ground, dragged off his tool belt and turned for Tricor. But he hadn't taken one step when six black and whites roared into the parking lot, and took up position around the front doors. Nick started to run.

Quinlan and Murray jumped out of the lead car, and twenty uniformed officers ran ahead of them into the building, weapons drawn. Nick caught up, grabbing at Murray's shoulder. "Boz! What's happening? Cody's in there!"

"They're crooks, that's what's happening." Quinlan answered above Murray's crow of "Nick!" "Forty more men just went in the back, and we're gonna have everyone rounded up nice and pretty before -- "

The roar of automatic weapon fire followed by a piercing alarm drowned whatever Quinlan was about to say. Quinlan swore, grabbed the radio from his belt and started shouting. Nick looked at Murray, and as one they sprinted for the front doors.

Inside the floor was littered with broken glass and plastic. The screams of the receptionists mingled with shouts from police. By the elevators, a Tricor security guard lay bleeding.

Something stung Nick's side and he slapped it away, turning for the stairs without missing a beat. He'd only been in the building once, but it was enough. "Where will Cody be?" he barked at Murray.

"His office is on fourteen," Murray panted back. "But I don't know if he'll be in it, or -- or anything."

"It's all we got." Nick paused briefly to grip Murray's hand. Whatever had passed between them the preceding week, now, when it counted, Murray was at his back. "Sorry, man. For everything."

Murray paled, looking at his hand. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Nick said grimly. "I just wanted you to know it. Now c'mon, we gotta find Cody."

Sirens, running feet, terrified staffers pushing their way down the stairs -- it was a hard fight upward until at last they reached the door labelled fourteen. Nick glanced at Murray, then shoved the door, and they ran into the corridor, dark now. 

"Power's failed," Murray said shortly. "Emergency lighting in the stairwell."

Nick nodded, glancing at the ceiling. He could smell smoke, and even in the dimness, he could see the cloudiness around the air-conditioning ducts. He didn't say anything, but heard Murray's sharp intake of breath.

"The building's on fire." Murray stopped, looking around. "Nick… we're not gonna be able to make it back down."

"We don't know that, man. Don't quit on me, not now. C'mon, which one's Cody's office?"

Murray squared his shoulders and ran down the hall. Nick, following, saw the masking tape, and Cody's familiar handwriting, then Murray wrenched the door open. The office was empty.

Murray stared in the door, then back at Nick. "What now? He could be anywhere. Maybe he even left the building. Maybe -- "

"Maybe he's in the bathroom," Nick said grimly, and switched around. The elevators were at the other end of the corridor, and since they'd encountered no bathrooms on the stairwell, Nick figured they were likely by the elevators instead.

"The sirens -- Nick, he won't still be up here. He will have evacuated with everyone else."

Nick hesitated. Murray's words made sense, but as he thought of Cody's defeated appearance, he set off at a trot. "Maybe," he called back, "but if he didn't -- "

He let the words hang in the air behind him, mingling with the taste of smoke. He imagined them there, glowing in the half-light, as he found the bathroom door and shoved it open. Behind him, he heard Murray coughing, and realized belatedly where his fancy had come from.

 _We gotta get out. I gotta get Murray out before we run out of air._ He hesitated at the door. Was this a fool's errand, and was he signing their death warrant by waiting, when all along, Cody was safe and well below?

"Cody," he barked, swallowing a cough himself. "You in here, man?" He paused another instant, then turned back to Murray. The door was closing when something made him freeze, and push it back.

"Nick -- " Murray staggered, leaning against the wall. "Nick, I can't breathe."

"I know, pal." Nick hesitated, irresolute, then shouldered his way into the bathroom. It was windowless and pitch black, but he stumbled immediately over something on the floor, something that kicked and groaned. "Cody!"

In the washroom, it was nearly impossible to breathe. Nick dragged Cody out somehow, choking, into the slightly clearer air of the corridor. Cody was semi-conscious, clawing at his face, barely able to stand. Somehow, between them, he and Murray held Cody up, then, heart in his mouth, Nick shoved the elevator call button.

"Nick -- the power's out -- the building's on fire -- "

"I know, Boz." Nick stared, hardly daring to believe as the silver doors slid open before them. "C'mon."

"We'll be trapped -- burn to death!"

"Maybe, yeah." Nick shoved Cody bodily inside and grabbed Murray's arm. "But if we stay here, we'll suffocate. We can't make it back to the stairs. It's a chance, Murray, an' it's the only one we got." He looked at the buttons, hesitated, then pushed the one for the basement. If the cable held and the lift kept moving, it offered them a chance.

"The roof?" Murray squeaked. 

"Like hell. Too high for a ladder, and who knows if they'll get a chopper here in time, or at all. And how do we tell anyone we're up there?" Nick dropped to his knees at Cody's side. "C'mon, big guy. Keep on breathing, okay?"

Cody opened his eyes and looked hazily at Nick. "Promised, di'n't I?" he muttered, and Nick blinked back tears.

"You sure did," he replied, not telling Cody that the promise in question was close on fifteen years old. As long as it still held good, Nick would take it, just as he had on that ridge in 'Nam.

Murray dropped to the floor beside them. "I think there's more air in here," he muttered, eyes wide behind his glasses.

"Fire burns up. Basement is probably okay." Nick breathed deep, feeling his head clear. "More air in the shaft than anywhere else."

"And more chance of a fireball," Murray said somberly.

Nick leaned back against the wall of the elevator, and pulled Cody against him. He slid his other arm around Murray. "We're gonna make it, boys," he said, quiet, serious. "Together, you got me? We're gonna get through."

"You don't know that," Murray said tightly. "The chances -- "

"I threw us away," Cody said, cutting Murray off. "Up there, I thought I was gonna die alone. I thought after everything -- after everything -- I let go and that was how it was gonna be."

"This is how it's gonna be," Nick said, voice breaking. "I am never gonna let you go, not ever. You get that through your thick head, once and for all. And Murray, just shut up, okay? One more word outta you about statistics or chances, and I'm gonna toss your computers overboard myself."

As if on cue, the elevator ground to a halt and the doors gave a resounding graunch, slid half open and stopped. Nick was on his feet in a second, dragging Murray and Cody with him. "Out. Everybody out, c'mon. Move it."

The basement housed the executive parking lot, filled with more tan Dodge sedans. Nick led the way up the entry ramp, supporting Cody with one arm, guiding Murray with the other. At last the afternoon sun greeted them followed by Quinlan's face, red as a beet as he roared at them for recklessness, for obstruction, and for plain, outright stupidity.

Nick found the nearest Dodge and sank to the ground, leaning against it thankfully, holding Cody close against his side. He rested his head back against the car and closed his eyes. "I'll cut you a deal, Quinlan," he muttered. "You stop shouting now, an' tomorrow you can write your whole book of tickets on my stuff, you know? And I'll pay 'em, every one, I swear."

***

It was tough, spending two days in the hospital being treated for a bullet wound Nick hadn't even known he'd sustained. A stray ricochet had lodged in his side at some point in the race through the building. Probably when they'd crossed the lobby, Nick surmised. The surgery had been short, the resulting wound agonizing and inconvenient in the way of bullet wounds. And worst of all, it meant separation from Cody.

Cody, who hadn't met Nick's eyes since they'd taken off the oxygen mask and declared his lungs undamaged. Who'd been in to bring Nick's toiletries, and again with ice cream, but hadn't stayed.

Ten days earlier, he'd broken Nick's heart. Looked him in the eyes, held their dreams in both his hands, tossed them aside and stomped on them. "I can't go through life being an also-ran anymore." Nick couldn't unhear those words, however much he wanted to. And the way Cody was avoiding him, it seemed like Cody was trying to figure out a new way to say 'em, maybe clearer this time. So this time there'd be no way for Nick to misunderstand.

Murray drove Nick home from the hospital, filling the space with chatter about how busy Cody was, how he'd gotten their insurance bond back, how he'd fixed the boat up just like new.

How everything was gonna go back the way it was, back to normal. Their own shop, the way it should be.

Nick closed his eyes so Murray wouldn't see his tears. _I am never gonna let you go. Get that through your thick head once and for all._ The last words Cody wanted to hear. _Our own shop. Everything I ever wanted, pal, that's what I had. You an' me. I thought you wanted it too. You coulda told me. Wish you had. Wish you'd just told me and I woulda… I woulda..._

"Nick! Nick, what is it? Cody!"

Nick forced his eyes open to find the Jimmy parked at the pier, Murray clinging to his arm looking panic-stricken and Cody running up the companionway. He couldn't speak for a minute, couldn't breathe, and raised his hands to his face.

"Maybe I should take him back to the hospital -- or call an ambulance -- I just don't know what happened, he was fine a few minutes ago -- "

"Take it easy, Boz." Cody's smooth voice was followed, an instant later, by Cody's strong arm around Nick's shoulders, and Nick leaned in without even thinking, without having any free will or choice in the matter. He was broken, hurting and that left him with only one place to go. "I got you now, Nick. I got you. C'mon, big guy, let go now."

And Nick did. He was dimly aware of being half-carried aboard, of Murray's concerned hovering, but the only thing he really knew in the next space of time -- hours? days? -- was Cody. Close, holding him together, breathing for him, stealing his pain and taking it into himself. 

The same way it always was when one of them was injured, but this time, so much sweeter. So much more intense. 

Nick opened his eyes on the morning of the third day after he'd been shot, the morning after he'd been released from hospital, clear-headed at last, and found Cody sitting on the opposite bunk, still not looking at him. For a while, he simply lay and watched Cody, who was pretending to read. Then he sat up slowly, swearing at the pain in his side, and took an experimental drink of water from the glass beside his bed. It went well, but Cody still didn't look at him, and Nick sighed.

"It's okay, man," he said quietly. "I get it. A nine-to-five, a condo, somewhere a classy chick will feel at home. I understand, pal, I do."

Cody dropped his magazine and looked at Nick. Stunned. Pinned in the headlights. "What?"

Nick looked away. His Cody, like the sun, too beautiful to stare right at. "So you wanna be a yuppie. I know I was hard on you before, but I get it, okay? You want more than all this. Sure you do. Tricor was a bunch of crooks but I bet there's honest security firms out there, you know? You gotta get the wear outta those argyle socks somehow."

Cody opened his mouth, closed it again, then picked up his magazine and twisted it in his hands. "More than this," he said, in a tight voice. "Something like that, I guess. Nick, I -- you left, and I tried -- and then I tried to find you." He looked down, winding the magazine tighter. "You took everything, even the Mimi, and you were gone."

"You tried to find me?" Nick sat forward. "I hired on on that construction project opposite Tricor. I needed to know you guys were okay."

"I didn't think of that." Cody gave the ghost of a smile and put down the magazine. "I was looking for your chopper. I went to Point Mugu."

"I took a hangar at Oxnard." Nick shrugged. "Sorry, man. I wasn't exactly trying to disappear, you know. I just -- I couldn't sit here and watch you be Mr. Upwardly Mobile, and try and pretend how things were the same when everything -- "

 _Was completely and royally fucked,_ Nick's brain helpfully supplied. He sighed. "When nothing was the same, and you know how much I hate change, huh?"

"I know. Yeah, I know." Cody looked down. "You're not gonna leave again, are you, Nick? Now we're back in business?"

Nick leaned back against the wall, regarding Cody thoughtfully. _Now we're back in business. Are we?_ "Seems pretty clear to me this isn't what you want anymore, Cody. Am I right? High powered job, classy lady on your arm, suit, tie. Maybe even a condo. You know?"

Cody swung around, putting his feet on the floor and leaning forward, toward Nick. "No," he said, tight and afraid. "I kind of liked the idea, I admit that much, but the reality - Nick, I can't."

"Hey." Nick mirrored Cody's pose, moving so their knees touched. He reached out and rested a hand on Cody's wrist. "They were crooks. Assholes. You got a dream, big guy. Why don't you go try it out for real?"

Cody's eyes met his then flitted away, haunted and afraid. "I did. They were crooks, the job was a joke, but Nick, what I couldn't do -- you don't get it. For nine days I had no idea where you were, how to get in touch with you, whether I'd ever hear from you again. I guess it was okay for you but I can't -- I couldn't, d'you get that? No matter if Tricor was the best company in the world and they offered me a million bucks right now to sign on."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, man." Nick ran his fingers softly over the skin of Cody's wrist, trying unsuccessfully to get Cody to meet his eyes. "I didn't mean to cut you off, okay? It hurt, and I had to try and get my head around it, but I never meant we wouldn't be friends anymore, you know? I couldn't do that either."

Cody nodded, still not looking at him. "When the fire alarms went off and people started running, I went to the bathroom to soak a towel. I heard the shooting downstairs. I thought I should go up to the roof and wait for you to come with Mimi, and then I remembered you wouldn't come for me anymore. I -- I -- " Cody looked up at last, his eyes bleak and shuttered. 

"That's why you never left the bathroom." Nick's heart pounded, and he shifted to Cody's bunk. "Cody, don't you ever give up again, you hear me? While I'm still breathing, I got your back. You understand that?"

Cody nodded, leaning in, and as Nick put an arm around him, curled into Nick's side. 

Nick held Cody close, and they sat like that for a long time.

***

Nick's stitches had come out, his antibiotics were finished, and Cody still hadn't done anything about looking for a new job. They'd taken a well-earned vacation, paid for by Tricor, then solved a jewellery heist downtown. To all intents and purposes, it was business as usual.

Nick went downstairs straight after dinner, more tired than he wanted to let on after the exertions of catching the thieves. His healed wound still hurt him, enough to require painkillers even after normal activity such as driving.

He took a quick, cool shower, but the water provided no relief, and he headed for his bunk.

Nick found his pills and swallowed two, then dropped to his bed, still in his robe. Drying himself properly and finding clean shorts would hurt more. He could call Cody to help and get a back rub into the bargain, but Cody remained quiet and moody, his sunshine killed off by corporate America. 

And that still hurt more than fifty bullets.

Nick closed his eyes, concentrating on the pain in his side, trying to will the painkillers to work. Another night, another day, and somehow, eventually, an end to it all. They'd be different on the other side, but wasn't that true of everything they'd done together, even the detective agency?

Caught up in his thoughts, Nick didn't notice he wasn't alone until the mattress dipped underneath him, and a gentle hand eased across his scar. 

"You're really hurting, huh?" Cody murmured, deftly sliding the robe off his shoulders. 

"Some," Nick admitted, keeping his eyes closed. Normally he would have lied, but tonight he was too sore and too close to the edge for prevarication. 

"Wow. That bad?" Cody slid one hand to the back of Nick's neck, rubbing the tight stress-knot that always plagued him. The other hand smoothed something cool into the scar -- aloe vera, Nick knew, a gel supposed to help with the healing, and maybe it had. Now, it allowed Cody's fingers to slide smoothly over the puckered skin, and the pain was already receding.

"You should've stayed home today," Cody said quietly, rolling Nick onto his back. "You want shorts?"

"I'm fine. Great," Nick muttered, as Cody used the bathrobe to gently dry off his chest, belly, and legs. "No shorts."

"Because getting up to put 'em on will hurt too much," Cody surmised, pulling the sheet over him. "I hate what happened to you, and it's my goddamn fault… Buddy, I know you're still down about this whole thing. I'm sorry, real sorry, you know that, right?"

"Yeah, I know." Wincing, Nick sat up slowly, leaning in as Cody helped to support him. 

"Take it easy, big guy. What is it? You need to hit the head?"

"I need…" Nick hesitated, closing his eyes. Between exhaustion from the case, muzziness from the painkillers and tension from the pain itself, it was getting tough to string a sentence together. "Listen, I meant what I said, you know? I can't go work for the man, not after everythin'. But I need you to be happy, an' not -- not an also-ran." Nick stopped for a moment, fighting through this pain, so much deeper than the one Cody had soothed. They didn't make a pill for it, either.

"An also-ran?" Cody's voice went high and tight. "Nick -- "

"I get it, man. It's okay. And I still got your back, wherever we end up. You don't have to worry about that, you know? Just tell me what you want, and I'm gonna help you get it. Easy, huh?"

"I was way off-base, Nick. All I want is right here -- the agency, our own shop, the boat. Our freedom. That's it, pal, I swear." Cody found the tight place in Nick's neck and rubbed it slowly, lightly. "C'mon, why don't you lie down?"

Nick did, letting Cody ease him onto his stomach. As Cody's strong hands started on his neck and shoulders, he closed his eyes, trying to pretend it had never happened, and their life was as secure as ever. 

"Relax, buddy. Relax, it's okay, we made it, huh?" Cody made a couple of long sweeps up and down his back, then went back to his shoulders. "I don't want any of that shit, okay? I never did. Otherwise I'd be a high-powered lawyer with an ulcer and a mistress, y'know? And I would never have met you at all."

Nick shuddered, fighting tears.

"Shh," Cody said gently, moving to straddle him and work on his lower back. "I made my choice in '72, buddy. And it was the right choice, the perfect choice, because next thing I met you, and from then on… well, let's just say I haven't missed the argyle socks, huh?"

"I don't care if we're detectives, or tour operators, or beach bums," Nick said in a rush, "and I'll buy you argyle socks myself and you can wear 'em with your shorts, if it makes you happy. But we're _partners_ , and finding out you didn't want that anymore… Cody, I can't even tell you how that felt."

Cody's hands stilled, then slid up to Nick's shoulders. "I never meant I didn't want to be your partner, Nick. Never. The one thing I want most in this world, the one thing I need, is to know I got you right beside me."

Nick breathed deep, fighting for control. "We don't have a lot of spare cash, maybe, or fancy jobs, a new car every year. Skiing holidays, cocktail parties, I don't even know. But I always thought we had it all, you know? You an' me, helping people out, making a buck the best way we knew how, and having a blast into the bargain. That's what I thought we were doing, and -- I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to drag you down, and you gotta believe me, you're nobody's also-ran."

Cody's hands started moving on Nick's shoulders again, rubbing deep and firm. "I'm a lot of things, big guy," he said, and there was a wobble in his voice. "I'm a disappointment to my mom, and the best thing about that is my dad never lived to see me a _private eye_. There's an also-ran right there. I quit school to join the army, and I didn't even stick at that."

"Cody, don't, man. You -- " Nick started to sit up, but Cody's hands on his shoulders pressed him back down. 

"There's only one thing in life I ever got right, buddy," Cody continued, as though Nick hadn't spoken. "And that's being your friend. Even then, I do my damnedest to screw it all up a couple of times a year, but I'm lucky enough to have the best friend on God's earth right here beside me to put it right again. Nick, this is everything I ever wanted, d'you understand that? And the best thing about it is, I get to do it with you."

Nick stopped trying to get up, his body enjoying the skillful familiar press of Cody's hands as he tried to get his head around Cody's words. Cody, who never talked about his feelings, was trying, hard, and Nick was willing to give him points for that. "I don't want you to settle for this because I want it," Nick said at last, slowly. "I know that's how I acted when it all went down. You want the truth, I acted like a spoiled three year old, and you didn't deserve that. Murray kept trying to help and I wanted to punch him so bad, and you know why, Cody? Because this wasn't about the agency, not for me. It was never about the agency or what we do. It was about you and me."

"I guess I knew that." Cody shifted his weight off Nick and touched his arm lightly. Nick raised his head to find Cody settling with his back against the headboard. "I didn't see how to keep things the same, and I couldn't seem to tell you that we don't need a detective agency to stay together. And then you left."

Nick crawled to a sitting position and dropped his butt into the space between Cody and the wall. There wasn't enough space for two men, but Nick fixed that by wrapping his arm around Cody's shoulders and pulling Cody into his own space. 

"Easy," Cody muttered, shifting to lean against Nick, his back fitting perfectly against Nick's chest, Nick's bare leg folding easily over Cody's jeans. "Don't make it hurt again."

Nick breathed deep, heart filling. The hurt he'd been carrying around was draining away, banished by Cody's heartfelt little speech. "I don't need a detective agency. I don't need the boat, or the chopper, or the 'Vette, or even a business partner. But I need you, Cody Allen, I need you like breathing, and the other thing… there's just one more thing."

"What's that?" Cody half-turned, clearly uncomfortable, and pushed Nick closer to the wall. "Move over, huh?"

Nick obliged, giving Cody the single inch available to him, and Cody, with a long-suffering sigh, curled in against him instead. With a murmur of understanding, Nick slid down the bed, allowing Cody to lie on his side instead of balance precariously. "Thanks," Cody said, with an appreciative stretch, then moved his right hand to lightly stroke Nick's scar.

Nick tightened his arm around Cody. "I felt like you didn't need me anymore," he said baldly. "I can't even breathe right without you me beside me, and there you were telling me how we could go corporate and do these high-powered jobs. You gotta know right now, Cody, I can't do that."

"I need you," Cody said quietly. "Door gunner, surfer, charter captain, detective, doesn't matter. Whatever I am, wherever I am, I got nothing if I'm not with you. This whole thing -- it was never meant to be about you and me, d'you get that? And when I thought I'd lost you… Nick, I can't go there again, okay? Whatever I do, however bad I fuck up next time, please don't disappear on me again."

"Not gonna," Nick vowed, running his hand up Cody's back until he could stroke his neck with gentle, reassuring strokes. "Gotcha, big guy. Gotcha safe, and I'm not ever gonna let you go."

***

Cody woke early, conscious of his ass hanging off the edge of the bunk, the comforting strength of his partner's arms holding him securely, and the uncomfortable pressure of his morning wood trapped in too-tight jeans. Items one and three demanded he move immediately, but Nick's sleepy closeness held him captive, made him wish suddenly for a larger bed, and the forethought to have taken his pants off.

He twisted cautiously, trying for an inch or two more mattress, and groaned as hard-on and bladder combined to make getting up imperative.

In the head he discarded the unfortunate jeans and pissed away the rest of the problem. He washed his hands, hesitated, then brushed his teeth. His own bunk held no appeal, but maybe he could slide back into the space he'd so recently vacated. 

Cody reentered the stateroom feeling strangely nervous. In the fifteen years they'd bunked together, he and Nick had doubled up from time to time. Night terrors in the jungle and the first years home -- Nick's presence in the night his lifeline, his sanity, and that had gone both ways. Sharing cheap digs, doubling up to save their meager funds for something better -- partying, food, chopper parts. The boat itself. 

But he'd never before felt such a pull, a need, to climb back into Nick's arms and hold on. To just be held, and to belong.

Nick hadn't moved and Cody sat down hesitantly on the edge of the bunk. _It's reaction,_ he reasoned. _From feeling so alone, and now he's back, and he's okay. We're okay._ Cody lay back down, heart fluttering, and Nick's arms wrapped around him, welcoming him in. 

Cody let go his breath in a long sigh, nestling his head on Nick's shoulder. _Not for long,_ he told himself. _If he wakes up I'll pretend I'm still asleep._

"Hi," Nick said softly in his ear. "Glad you came back. I was getting kind of lonely." 

Cody froze, not even breathing. There was no explanation for his unprecedented behavior, nothing that made any sense.

"Hey," Nick said gently. "Relax, pal. I was enjoying this, you know? Holdin' you close, knowing I didn't have to be afraid anymore. Like I said, it's real nice you came back."

"I -- I -- " Cody stopped, still searching for an explanation despite Nick's acceptance. "Wait, you were awake already?"

"Sure." Nick leaned back a little as Cody raised his head, seeking eye contact. "Sorry." Nick looked faintly embarrassed. "I didn't mean to put you on the spot. I wouldn't've said anything, but then you came back and I figured we were on the same page, you know?"

"I don't know what page I'm on," Cody said, a little wildly. His heart had given up fluttering and settled on pounding instead, leaving him breathless and struggling for coherent thought. 

"You don't, huh?" Nick reached out and touched Cody's cheek, running his fingertips gently down to his lips. Cody's heartbeat slowed, quieted until there was nothing but a drowning silence in the room, an eternal instant where he stared into Nick's blue, blue eyes. Then Nick breathed deep, a puff of air against the silence, and time began again.

"How about the first page of forever?" Nick said, and there was no time for Cody to wonder what he meant, because Nick kissed him then, and all at once there was sound again, and sensation -- so much to feel, so much need, burning deep inside him like a blue, blue flame the color of Nick's eyes.

"You cheated," Nick said at last in a lazy murmur. Cody was lying mostly on top of him, still caught in his arms, and the wood he was sporting had nothing to do with morning and everything to do with his partner.

"What?" Cody still wasn't sure he was capable of coherent thought, let alone speech, but Nick seemed to require his input, and he was nothing if not willing.

"Brushed your teeth." Nick kissed him again, his tongue exploring deeper than Cody's toothbrush had ever reached. "Here's me with morning breath."

"Uh," Cody said eloquently. "Um. Hadn't noticed." He shifted his body until he could feel Nick's length against his belly, hot and hard. 

Nick chuckled softly against his neck and slid his hands down until he could cup Cody's ass though his shorts. "Why didn't you get rid of these along with the jeans, hmm?"

"Wasn't -- didn't know," Cody panted, trying to press his buns into Nick's hands and his cock against Nick's groin at the same time. It wasn't easy, but hadn't Nick said he wasn't a quitter? 

"If you didn't know," Nick inquired, "an' you weren't thinking as hard about jumping your partner's bones as I was, can I ask exactly why you got up, stripped to your shorts and climbed back in my bed, all sexy and sleepy and fuckable?" He punctuated his words with a long squeeze and Cody bucked obligingly.

"Cuddling was real nice," Cody defended himself. "Hadda take a leak so I got up an' -- well, I wanted to -- wait. Fuckable? What kinda word is that?"

"A good word. Trust me." Nick deftly rolled Cody on his back and straddled him. "Lookit you. All golden an' beautiful, and here you are, letting me kiss you and looking at me like I'm some kinda supermodel. Is this for real? Are you gonna respect me in the morning?"

Cody lay on his back and looked up at his best friend, at the light in his eyes somewhere between pleading and tenderness. "You jerk," he said, reaching out. "It _is_ morning."

"Oh yeah," Nick said, the corners of his mouth curling up. "What are we waiting for, then?" He leaned into Cody's touch, and their lips met again.

Cody wrapped his arms around Nick, holding him close for a moment. Then he slid his hands down and cupped Nick's naked ass. "We're not waiting anymore, buddy. We're just getting started."


End file.
